


Everything (The Last Mistake)

by Tarchannon



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel (Movies), X-Men (Comicverse), X-Men (Movies), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Dark Thoughts, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-06
Updated: 2012-04-06
Packaged: 2017-11-03 03:29:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/376620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarchannon/pseuds/Tarchannon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes in darkness, you discover everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything (The Last Mistake)

**Author's Note:**

> 1) This was written for Eiluned (I had a bad day, too.) Her work is also archved here.   
> 2) This is the second version.  
> 3) Original version posted 8/25/02.

That was the last mistake I would make today, the last mistake I’d make this week, and the very last mistake that I’d make this year. I’d had a lifetime of mistakes, and I’d had enough. 

I watched the moon, full and silver-white above the lake, from the end of the wooden dock as the water lapped softly as if trying to soothe my weary heart.

I fished the familiar long blade from its sheath against my shin, and tossed it end over end as I walked down the rough planking. Moving silently and stiffly in deference to my emptiness, I tossed and caught the wickedly sharp blade over and over, capturing it every time by the smooth leather handle. 

The blade glinted in the moonlight. 

I flicked the tails of my duster out behind me and settled down on the edge of the dock, toes just above the water's surface. This was as good a place as any. Nothing really mattered anymore.

Laying the blade aside, I unbuckled the Kevlar bracers from around my wrists and tossed them in the water. My tears fell freely now, hot and wet on my cheeks. It was hard to even think about. I’d had it all three times now – Bella, Rogue, and…

I choked on the name. I couldn’t even think about it – the pain was too strong, too fresh. 

Every time, I’d made a mistake, and I’d lost it all. Three times loved, three times lost, three times a broken heart. Hearts only mend so many times before they shatter for good. 

“Dis heart is done,” I whispered to the night. 

My bared wrists were startlingly pale under the moon, and the blade flashed cold and white as it descended, poised to lay dark, wet trails. I took a final breath - a deep lungful of clean night air - before the metal kiss.

“Your heart’s not done until I say it’s done,” a deep voice rumbled from the shadows near the boathouse. 

Startled beyond thought, I turned toward the voice, the blade falling from my nerveless fingers to clatter on the dock. 

“Logan? ” I managed to choke out. 

“S’not yours anyway.” The rumble was a melody of pain and guilt, fire and love. I could literally feel it pouring of him, but it was his voice that made it real. "It belongs to me." 

“T’ought you gon' away,” I whispered. 

“I could never go away, Rem,” he said as he stepped forward into the surreal evening light. His wild hair, normally deepest black, was shot with silver streaks and tiny glints of silver danced in his eyes. In partial silhouette, he emerged from the shadows like a forest spirit. 

I heard myself gasp, saw my blade hand quiver. I visibly shook as he approached. I hurt, I burned, and I hoped, but I could not move, could not breathe.

“I’ll never be far,” he almost growled, low and with an incredible heat I could feel inside my heart, “Ya see, my heart is here.”

He pressed his hand against my chest, moving close enough that I could feel his breath. I didn’t dare to hope that he still wanted me, but I couldn’t help it as I looked into his dark eyes.

“Cher, Remy…” 

“Shhhhhhh, darlin,” he whispered, gently pressing two thick fingers against my lips. 

I watched his eyes soften, and he moved closer, sliding one arm around me. His fingers almost subconsciously began to trace my lips. I could feel the tears welling in my eyes; it was too good to stand. 

He was too good for me.

“Cher, I don’ deserve dis,” I confessed, touching his chest above the heart. 

His chuckle was so low that I could feel it in my soul. I know my pain must have lined my face, because he pulled me tight and caught my eyes in his dark ones.

“That’s what ya never understood, Rem. Ya deserve… everything.”

He was so sure, I could feel it, but it was so hard to believe. I moved, struggling to get away from him, away from all the implications in that stare. I could see forever there. 

“Everything,” he insisted quietly, holding me still, holding me close, and literally holding me up as I sagged against him. He was like a mountain - heavy, immovable, and certain. He was *so* sure; but it couldn’t be true, it had to be a mistake.

“Everything,” he whispered in a soft voice filled with gravel and smoke, fear and care, love and truth. He pulled me down to him, his lips on mine, his rough tongue sliding across and between my lips. Logan moved against me, tasting, probing, *claiming*. His hands were strong and sure. My heart beat wildly in my chest, responding in kind to his heart, his love, his *truth* as it poured into me, filling me up, making me overflow. I drew a shuddering breath as something finally broke inside, but at the same time, I felt something form to take its place. 

I didn't deserve what he offered, but I couldn't refuse him either. Wordlessly, we slid together, somehow merging despite the fact that no one – me included – would have ever suspected that this thing between them could happen.

We stayed like that, entwined, for a long time, blending seamlessly into the sounds of the night - the lapping of the waves, and the caress of the moon. When we broke – gasping - from one another, I couldn’t help but smile. I guess my heart had a little life yet.

“Come to bed with me?” he asked, holding my hand almost shyly.

“Oui,” I nodded, feeling his love and his need and his fear.

He started to pull me toward shore, and then stopped suddenly as he spotted the knife glimmering in the shadows. “One thing, Rem,” he started, serious, voice cracking just a bit.

“Oui, cher.”

“No more knives?” he asked, looking into my eyes softly, deeply worried. 

Half an hour ago, I had nothing, but now I had everything. Life is this amazing terrible thing, and sometimes I forgot that. I sighed inwardly. Another mistake. But this time, I was not alone, and it buoyed me. 

“No, cher. Dat was a mistake. Remy make ‘em all de time.”

Logan simply studied me for the longest time before he whispered, "Never forget that yer my everything."


End file.
